Michelle's Blog

My life as a wife, homemaker, friend, Christian

hope December 31, 2008

Filed under: thoughts — mrswade @ 9:52 am

So, I didn’t really start this blog for this purpose, because writing doesn’t usually help me process things.  I think this time writing will help.

I was driving home after dropping Jake off at work at 6 this morning and listening to the radio.  Two songs came on that sparked my thoughts.

The first’s lyrics went like this:

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
It could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Now when I read it I think it must be about a dating couple and not a married couple.  But still I can’t help but to be saddened by it.  I can’t imagine if all Jake and I’s marriage held on to was emotions.  This guy is going to, or hoping to fall for this girl over again because all they have are feelings.  If all they have is feelings, there really isn’t a point in falling for her again.  I think that is why so many marriages fail, people rely on nothing more than feelings to get them through.  Well I know from experience, and if what all the older married couples say is true, feelings aren’t going to get you anywhere.  If I always relied on feelings with my relationship with Jake, we would not be married right now and we probably would have broken up over a year ago.  There is so much more to relationships than feelings.  

I was trying to think of what that was in the car so I could sound really deep when I wrote this, but this is where the processing is going to come in.  I know you need commitment, if there is no commitment, there is nothing.  I know you need grace and forgiveness because the only problems with relationships are the people and their sin and all the messed up things they do.  Without grace and forgiveness I would never be able stay married to Jake and he would for sure leave me.  

But there has to be a reason why some marriages have these things and some don’t.  Really, all I can come up with is amazing morality and will power, or Jesus.  I can’t really believe that amazing morality and will power will get you very far, if all you have is that, where is the “why”?  Why commit to someone, give them grace and forgive them time after time after time?  I guess because it’s the “right” thing to do, but I still don’t have a “why”.  Why do that if you could just leave that person for someone who could make you happier.  Because if you don’t do these things consistently, every day, it’s going to “wear you thin down to the core.”  I know the only way I can do those things is because of Jesus, because he is committed to me and gives me grace and forgiveness every minute of every day, and he’s God, he doesn’t exactly have to do that.  So if I get it and don’t deserve it, who am I to deny my husband those same things?  That’s the only way I can see a marriage working.  Our relationships should be based on Jesus, otherwise they’re just based and feelings and that can’t work.

I’m sure I have much more to develop on all that, but that’s what I got for now.  And I’m too distracted no to start thinking about the other song….maybe later.

Well, I have another thought.  I wish my life and my marriage screamed this.  I wish that people could look at my life and be like, “Jesus is why she’s like that, that is the only way she could have so much hope.”  Because I do have hope, I have hope that can ONLY come from Jesus.  And I really want everyone else to have that too, I don’t know how anyone lives life without it, life would be pointless, and so so dark.  I just wish I had some way to express it to people, or that I was better at expressing it…

Ok, now I’m really done…not done thinking…just done typing it out…

p.s. I didn’t read back through this at all, so if it doesn’t make sense, that’s probably why.

p.p.s. I really didn’t want to post this because only posting recipes makes me way less vulnerable, but maybe this could help somebody or somebody who reads it might have good feed back for me…so I posted anyway…


4 Responses to “hope”

  1. Amanda Says:

    i have listened to this song over and over.. more times that i can even count.. and i have never thought it thru so deeply. you are so smart and i love how you look at life. i know we dont get to talk much (or at all lately) but i just am so happy when i read things like this from you. actually your whole blog makes me happy. you give me hope.. you show me that if we are persistant with what God wants us to do with life then we will get the “desires of our heart”… because then our desires for ourselves will match with his desires for us… thanks for posting it.. i miss you!

  2. Michelle W Says:

    ahg I miss you so much! I’m glad it was encouraging, I wish I was better at processing all of that but it is what it is. I love you tons and don’t understand why I always think to call you but never do 😦 I still have that quote you put up in our room “two may talk together under the same roof for many years and never truly meet, but two others at first speech are old friends.” I have it up in my room at my mom’s house 🙂 We should plan a faux-coffee/tea date on the phone 🙂 a phone-faux-date 🙂 haha, I’m a nerd.

    …and it would be nice if all our desires were the same as Gods…wow…that would be a good new years resolution, to find out what he desires. It sounds so simple doesn’t it? I think you may have sparked another thought to blog 🙂

  3. Amanda Says:

    haha faux phone date.. i like it! just let me know when would be a good time for you! i miss you so much and life is so busy that sometimes its hard to make calls.. i totally understand.. i am actually planning on making a trip up to springfield within the next month or so… maybe we could have a real real date?!? i absolutely love reading your blogs… they so deep… they really make me think and i love that. i miss you like crazy and i hope we can get together my dear!

  4. Michelle W Says:

    ooh a real date 🙂 You’ll have to let me know when your coming up and if you have enough time. I know how it is, cuz when I go back to seattle for the weekend (and I go back once a month) people still all want to do something and there just isn’t enough time. I wouldn’t want to take time away from your family 🙂 But you should def let me know and I could even drive down there if you wanted, I would love to see you!

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