So, I didn’t really start this blog for this purpose, because writing doesn’t usually help me process things. I think this time writing will help.
I was driving home after dropping Jake off at work at 6 this morning and listening to the radio. Two songs came on that sparked my thoughts.
The first’s lyrics went like this:
The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
It could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Now when I read it I think it must be about a dating couple and not a married couple. But still I can’t help but to be saddened by it. I can’t imagine if all Jake and I’s marriage held on to was emotions. This guy is going to, or hoping to fall for this girl over again because all they have are feelings. If all they have is feelings, there really isn’t a point in falling for her again. I think that is why so many marriages fail, people rely on nothing more than feelings to get them through. Well I know from experience, and if what all the older married couples say is true, feelings aren’t going to get you anywhere. If I always relied on feelings with my relationship with Jake, we would not be married right now and we probably would have broken up over a year ago. There is so much more to relationships than feelings.
I was trying to think of what that was in the car so I could sound really deep when I wrote this, but this is where the processing is going to come in. I know you need commitment, if there is no commitment, there is nothing. I know you need grace and forgiveness because the only problems with relationships are the people and their sin and all the messed up things they do. Without grace and forgiveness I would never be able stay married to Jake and he would for sure leave me.
But there has to be a reason why some marriages have these things and some don’t. Really, all I can come up with is amazing morality and will power, or Jesus. I can’t really believe that amazing morality and will power will get you very far, if all you have is that, where is the “why”? Why commit to someone, give them grace and forgive them time after time after time? I guess because it’s the “right” thing to do, but I still don’t have a “why”. Why do that if you could just leave that person for someone who could make you happier. Because if you don’t do these things consistently, every day, it’s going to “wear you thin down to the core.” I know the only way I can do those things is because of Jesus, because he is committed to me and gives me grace and forgiveness every minute of every day, and he’s God, he doesn’t exactly have to do that. So if I get it and don’t deserve it, who am I to deny my husband those same things? That’s the only way I can see a marriage working. Our relationships should be based on Jesus, otherwise they’re just based and feelings and that can’t work.
I’m sure I have much more to develop on all that, but that’s what I got for now. And I’m too distracted no to start thinking about the other song….maybe later.
Well, I have another thought. I wish my life and my marriage screamed this. I wish that people could look at my life and be like, “Jesus is why she’s like that, that is the only way she could have so much hope.” Because I do have hope, I have hope that can ONLY come from Jesus. And I really want everyone else to have that too, I don’t know how anyone lives life without it, life would be pointless, and so so dark. I just wish I had some way to express it to people, or that I was better at expressing it…
Ok, now I’m really done…not done thinking…just done typing it out…
p.s. I didn’t read back through this at all, so if it doesn’t make sense, that’s probably why.
p.p.s. I really didn’t want to post this because only posting recipes makes me way less vulnerable, but maybe this could help somebody or somebody who reads it might have good feed back for me…so I posted anyway…